Hurricane Drunk
by DetectiveShakespeare
Summary: Alistair suffers a near-fatal wound as Amell fears for his only friends life. "Does it have griffons?" "Yes."
1. Prologue

Prologue

Oberon stood, alone on the outskirts of camp. He studied the skyline, the pillars of smoke from distant towns, drifting skyward. He was worried about his friend, Alistair, who was gravely injured. His thoughts drifted towards his duties as a Grey Warden, he was honour bound to protect the innocent and ward off evil. Alistair knew how to make the task seem easy, he was always there with a witty quip and a grin which had always eased Oberon's grief, and now Alistair was back in camp fighting for his life, as Wynne tried her best to heal him.

In the circle tower he never experienced true friendship, Jowan had been someone to talk to but anything closer meant the Templars had something to use against you, and Oberon did not wish for that weakness. Yet here he stood, looking at the stars stitched into the purple night sky, and here he worried, for a friend he never expected to have.

"If you are worrying for him then 'tis a wasted effort, he will live." Morrigan had approached quietly from behind, a failed attempt at comforting you but one you appreciated.

"I worry slightly, Wynne should've healed him by now, we need to get going in all honesty, but we cannot do that with Alistair lying on his back." Oberon turned to face her.

"He has proved more useful lying on his back, I find that Dog is a suitable replacement." Morrigan looked over to camp where Dog was found to be running around with Alistair's helmet clamped between his teeth.

The Warden let out a quiet laugh. "What shall we do to pass the time?"

Morrigan took him by the arm, "'tis rather cold in my tent, maybe you could put your efforts into warming it up."

"Sounds more like a command than an offer." Oberon's eyebrows quirked up, a slight smile playing on his lips.

Morrigan planted a light kiss against his ear, followed by a whisper. "You wouldn't have it any other way." 


	2. Hidden Truths

[Nerd Ferd]

Rain had began to fall slowly into camp, the fire pit full of ash, glowing slightly from remaining embers. The camp had grown considerably since leaving the Wilds, the help was welcome and the company was an added bonus. Recently camp had been quiet as they waited for Alistair to regain full strength; he had healed from his wounds yet took advantage of all the help he was being offered.

Wynne was usually first to wake up, no matter how many blankets she was offered she still felt the cold wrap around her bones like a snake. She stoked the fire, warming her hands as her eyes passed over the tent that was farthest away, Morrigan and the Warden had been intimate recently, which worried her, but the Warden's nights next to Morrigan, sleeping quietly next to each other, had been some of warmest for him. Wynne's next move was to check on Alistair.

"Alistair?" Wynne had walked over to his tent, calling softly through the door. "Are you doing okay?"

"Uh no! I mean- Yes I'm fine. Don't come in!" Alistair's panicked voice replied, he was moving clumsily within the tent that caused it to shake and rainwater to splash off into Wynne's face. "Seriously though I'm, uh, okay?"

A couple of crashes and grunts of pain came from inside the tent, and suddenly Alistair popped his head out. He had adorned a full helm that completely covered his face. "See I'm fine!"

Wynne doubted him and stared him down, as best as she could for his eyes were barley visible because of the small slit in the full helm.

"Will you be wearing that helmet to breakfast, Alistair?" Oberon had obviously awoken and walked over to the main camp, followed by Morrigan who also stared at the spectacle Alistair was making of himself. "Or did you sleep in it?"

"Well yes, I do often sleep in full armour, thanks for asking." Alistair mocked.

There was a strange silence among the party, the rest of the party had awoken to see everyone hovering around Alistair's tent. Many of them assumed the worst, Leliana hesitantly walked over, expecting them to find Alistair dead from his wounds. Yet there he knelt outside his tent, knees sinking into the mud.

"I'm ready for battle see! Let's head onto Orzammer, we haven't got much time." Alistair was trying to stand up, yet his gauntlets ended up slipping and he lost balance, returning to his knees.

"I'm sure the blight can wait for me to finish breakfast." The Warden said, missing any form of food just because the end of the world was near was not happening, not today, not ever.

" 'tis peculiar that you would adorn your full armour just for breakfast. Yesterday you were still 'healing', or taking advantage, and now your eagerness is through the roof. Anyone sensible would thing you were hiding something." Morrigan had been admiring Alistair's embarrassing display for quite a while, he had finally managed to get to his feet, standing foolishly in full armour as Oberon stared from the fire wolfing down as much bacon as possible.

"I ha'e an idea" The Warden swallowed his mouthful "Maybe Alistair and Leliana had a thing, and he doesn't want to show the "evidence.""

Leliana blushed and glared the Warden down, "I would never!" She looked at Alistair, "I mean, not to offend, but I 'ave no interest."

Alistair was unreadable, mainly because of the great helm that covered his face.  
"Fine. I'm wearing this because obviously the attack… affected me."

"Have you finally turned into an ogre? Yet 'tis impossible for you have no horns to show for it, maybe the size of the horns reflect… something else, 'twould explain if you were an ogre with a lack of horns" Morrigan chuckled to herself.

"You know your jokes, or insults, do not work as well with a long run up to the punchline." Alistair grumbled.

"Longer than some things." Oberon commented from his place by the fire. By this time Wynne had her head in her hands, ready to pass on into the Maker's arms if it meant saving her from these children.

"If you must know, I will show you." Alistair said, undoing his helmet.

"Oh have mercy! We do not wish to be underwhelmed by your size." Morrigan threw her arms to her eyes in mock distress.

"I didn't mean THAT." Alistair had undone his helmet and threw it to the ground. "THERE."

And the camp, to Wynne's pleasant surprise, went deadly silent. The rain, previously forgotten, continued on over the scene of utter shock. Oberon had dropped his makeshift plate and the remaining bacon, Leliana looked as if someone had violated the Maker himself, Morrigan looked as if she had just seen her mother die ten times over, nothing could make her happier with her face frozen in utter glee. And then Sten… had not even woken up.

Alistair's face was covered in fur, so it can be assumed his whole body was covered. The attack HAD been from a werewolf, yet no curse lingered and all werewolves had returned to normal. So here Alistair stood half-human, half-wolf. His ears were pointy, his dark blonde hair merged in with his fur, he even had small matching whiskers.

Finally Morrigan broke the fragile silence.  
"'tis truly a miracle!"

And as she laughed the rain poured, and nothing could hide Alistair's shame.


	3. The Griffon King

[The Griffon King]

Alistair was a furry, which made Morrigan the happiest kid in camp, and Wynne saw the opportunity to tell her stories, in an attempt to make Alistair happier.  
They had moved on in their journey and were heading back to Redcliffe to save Connor, Alistair was protesting returning out of shame and so they had stopped in a nearby wood for a rest. Alistair was sitting away from the rest of camp when Wynne approached him, followed closely by the Warden and Morrigan who lurked in the near distance.

"I could tell you a story?" Wynne said, approaching Alistair and putting a gentle hand on his shoulder.

"Does it have griffons in it?" Oberon shouted from the edge of Alistair's territory.

"… No." Wynne replied, not even bothering to look at Oberon.

"Then what's the point." Sulked Alistair. "Griffons are cool, cooler than wolf-people."

"You are wrong in that respect, I find "Wolf-People" quite pleasant, the issue here 'tis the fact you are a furry." Morrigan corrected.

Wynne threw her arms up in defeat. "Fine I shall tell you the story of the Griffon King."

Oberon clapped and ran to sit by the fire and listen to Wynne's story, Morrigan followed behind normally and Alistair barked in approval.

"Okay kids, this story will inspire Alistair, even with his challenging appearance, and YES it does include griffons."

The Warden raised his hand in the air to ask a question, "Yeah but are there griffons in this story?"

Wynne glared him down, and began her story.

Once upon a time there was a small lion cub with a beak that was to be envied.  
The little cub was very sad because he thought he was the ugliest amongst all his brothers and sisters, their beaks had been replaced with a weird snout and they had paws and claws not talons. They would not play with him and teased the poor ugly cub. One day, he saw his reflection in the water and cried, "Nobody likes me. I am so ugly."

He decided to leave home and went far away into the woods, by this time he had grown wings and so he flew away to find a new life of isolation.

Deep in the forest, when winter set in, the poor ugly lion cub found a Queen who took the lion-cub home, because she knew the truth, this was a baby griffon.

"FINALLY." The group listening to the story exclaimed, the griffons had arrived.

"Look you little shits, I set a boy on fire I WILL do it again if you interrupt my story." Wynne growled, which instilled silence into the audience. "ANYWAY…." She continued.  
_

But the griffon remembered how everyone made fun of him and he bent his head down in shame, he must be the only ugly griffon in the world, but he looked out of the window and he saw the love of his life, another griffon. He married the other griffon that he saw out of the window, the wedding was extravagant the Queen who had taken in the griffon proclaimed him the "Griffon King" and the ceremony took place in the forest surrounded by natural light and all sorts of woodland creatures surrounding the beautiful couple.

Just as the ceremony was being wrapped up, the "I do"s were nearly done, the lions arrived. They slaughtered the lambs first, then the deer. The griffon king knew he had to save his knew wife, he flapped his wings and went to attack the lions.

"You never belonged" hissed the lion, the griffon had grown up with him and his mane and grown, but not as great as the griffon's wings.

"Yet you do not belong here!" The griffon growled back, his talons ripped into the lion and tore out the heart. He showed this to the other lions, and scared them off, and turned towards his soon-to-be-wife in triumph.

And as he turned he saw his wife, her heart was on the woodland altar and her wings were torn to shreds, those who had betrayed him surrounded her body, and those who betrayed him were the badgers. From this day he swore revenge.

_  
"And that," Wynne concluded, "is why the griffons and Grey Wardens joined forces."

The audience, which had grown to include Leliana and Sten.  
"Terrible story." Sten said.  
"Yeah… it made no sense. Your stories that include griffons suck. Maybe you should tell more stories that don't include griffons." The Warden said, standing up and dusting the twigs off his legs.

"But the moral of the story is that Alistair will find somewhere to fit in, it does not really matter about his looks." Wynne tried to explain.

"His wife was terribly murdered and he spent most his time WORRYING about his looks rather than accepting them." Oberon countered.

"He eventually accepted his looks though and then he found his love." Wynne was getting angry. "Fine. I'll tell another story."

"Does it have griffons in it?" Oberon asked, excited and his eyes lit up.

Wynne then proceeded to grounded everyone and the whole group spent two days apologising to Wynne, Alistair eventually accepted his new appearance and then they all moved onto Redcliffe Castle to save Connor. Even though they were a week behind schedule.


	4. Jowan Finds a Soul

A filler chapter before we come across Hawke?

Jowan finds a Soul

The party walked up to Redcliffe Castle in silence, secretly scared of Wynne. They made their way throught he portcullis and up the stone steps, into the castle and onward to the main hall. The main hall had a somber atmosphere as everyone had gathered with the Circle Mages ready to save Connor.

"Finally you return, Amell. What took so long?" Said Irving.

Oberon leaned towards the First Enchanter, "Uh… Isn't it obvious?" he whispered, pointing towards Alistair.

"Oh… That does explain it." The First Enchanter coughed and looked away. "Well we can still get on and save Connor… He spent most the week doing imitations of people, every impersonation was Isolde and he still made us guess several times before we were allowed to get it right. Anyway, who will be going in the fade?"

"I could but I'm too lazy to ever go in there ever again after that shit at the Circle Tower. Morriga-" Oberon was cut off by a quick glare from Morrigan that really showed she was not the one to go into the Fade.

"Jowan it is then." Said Wynne, no one was to say no to her, even though it would be better to send her in over that useless sod Jowan.

"Oh yay me. I'm thrilled. Do you not wan-" Jowan began but stopped talking when he realised no one was listening.

The Fade preparations worked smoothly as the rest of the group decided to laugh at Alistair, although it was getting old and Morrigan was sad that Alistair was becoming comfortable in his furry, soft, skin.

Jowan entered the Fade and made his way to the desire demon.

"Hello, Jowan." The desire demon said, she was sitting down at a desk, fully clothed.

"Why are you wearing clothes?" Jowan was confused.

"Well I knew you were coming and not that stunning warden, the non-furry one, and decided you were not worth the effort. Especially after the Witch and the Old Woman rejected the opportunity."

Jowan had been rejected by a desire demon.

"Look I'll leave the boy and offer you anything, just not me. I've got work to do."

Jowan was furious, and angrily accepted the offer. "I WANT… SOMEONE TO LOVE ME."

"Haha… they'll call me a miracle worker back at the office. I suppose I'll do it."

And so Connor was saved, and maybe even Jowan's love life?

After much celebration, and burning the bodies of the Redcliffe residents that had died, and some that were still alive, Jowan looked sadly out of his jail cell. He had asked for a lover instead of the promise of his life being spared, and yet he still had no lover. How had his friend, Oberon, managed to score someone like Morrigan and he was still mourning over losing Lily.

There was a light that filtered down from the door to the dungeons, this was followed by heavy footsteps, Jowan peered out of the bars to see a silhouette waddling towards him.

"I've come to free you." The voice said, she had quickly began to unlock the jail cell, she had tried several keys before she found out the door wasn't actually locked.

"Oh, thank you. You're the best, I'm think in love." Jowan desperately hugged his savior.  
"I'm Zoe… I saved you because, you remind me of me."

Jowan had found his one true love, the fled out of the castle and towards Lothering. Obviously they were noticed, Oberon had told everyone about Jowan's deal (as Jowan had excitedly told Oberon) and they all watched as he fell in love with Zoe and escaped, watching them think they had achieved so much on their own and yet all they had done was walk out of unlocked doors towards a town that had been destroyed by the blight.

"See," The Warden said, "He couldn't hurt anyone seriously, except you Eamon but that doesn't count, he's useless and so is Zoe. She tried like what, ten keys before she found out it was unlocked already."


End file.
